Doing Without

We get used to doing without. It is a slow progression. The thought of who I was 10 years ago is mind boggling. I cannot understand how habits have changed so drastically over the last 10 years. It feels drastic but in actuality it was and is progressive. I will never be that person again. And thankfully so. There is so much I have learned about life.

I don't want to get used to doing without the good things. But I wouldn't mind doing without the not so good things - immediately. The problem is, squeezing out the bad is also a progression. There is no quick fix to the mess I have created. BUT there is so much hope for better.  All it takes is a purposed attitude and a commitment to doing a "little bit better". Add a little bit better every day and it will make for a huge change in the future.

#nurturecalls

Older

How did I get so old? I'm sitting here sore, tired, thinking of all the things I wish I had the energy to do. Run and sprint with my kids. Do cart wheels & hand stands like I used to. Play basketball, soccer. . .just throw a damn ball without it feeling like such a hurdle. Wow. I wasn't ready to get old(er). I envisioned what my life would look like when I had small children - ENERGY. I just want energy to successfully keep on task around the home and not get so stinkin distracted by all that's around me, including my kids. It's impossible to say for sure how much I will get done in a day. I set goals and fail. Lowering the bar doesn't help either. It's exhausting no matter how you look at it. If you bust your butt (like I did tonight); clean the table, dishes, laundry, bath time, pick up toys, pick up food all over the floor, plan/prepare for the next day (hardly do that) - Exhausting. If you do none or few of these things and take a "deserving" break, well then you're that much more behind! Exhausting. And then tomorrow comes and it all starts over.

Years go by like semesters. I put on some of my clothes the other day and I was sure that they fit. . .yeah, not so much. Not at all. I remember looking in the mirror shocked. Laziness didn't get me here, I bust my ass! Am I really that old now?! Ugh. And please for anyone older than me I get it, I'm not "old" . . .but YES I am. Oldest I've been in my entire life, so please don't argue based on your current age ;)

I still dream of the day I can do all those things again. I've been exercising. I bring all 3 kids to the gym with me at least twice a week and then shoot for 2 days a week on my own. It is hard. While I'm exercising I'm aware of all that I'm not and strive to be someone different in physique and that "different in physique" I'm not so sure of either. But I'm trying!!

My boobs sag. My crotch hurts. My stomach is wrinkly and saggy. My back aches. . . BUT I am truly hoping that exercise clears some of this up - gives me energy anyway. I know I will forever have beauty marks all over my body from having children. I'd like to ache in the right way again. Gotta strengthen my core. Yep. Working really hard to keep a schedule down. Of course, as we all know, with children there's always something.

Anyway, random babble.  Getting older. And it sucks.

Look Deeper

The beauty we seek is often the kind that will perish. 

Unless we look deeper we are fooled every time.

#nuturecalls ©Kaley Kiewiet